by Shelley Brown copyright 2013
For some reason I could not get enough of Barbie. I guess it follows in the same vane of looking into the bay windows of our empty living room that you weren’t allowed to go in and pretending I was tall and thin in sparkly Bob Mackie like Carol and Cher...(Charo was much too curvy). There were about 5 tall thin glittery me reflections in those windows.
I loved Barbie. She was perfect to me! Perfect EVERYTHING. She had PERFECT Everything! Everything....Body all boobs and legs, hair, make-up, a man AND AND AND clothes! I don’t know what the fuck I did with Barbie’s clothes? She always seemed to be sporting the latest in light blue or white toilet paper design I came up with from the box of Marshall Field’s toilet paper my Mom ordered. Yes, you could order 100 rolls of toilet paper from Fields. Obviously, that’s where my hoarding of paper products comes from. I always have to have at least 20 rolls of toilet paper and a minimum of 6 rolls of paper towels at all times. But alas I digress. Barbie somehow lost all of her Barbie clothes? I have no clue what happened to them. Maybe Skipper hid them or, OR? Could it be Ken? I had the camper, the doll house and all the usual 70’s Barbie accouterments however; I preferred to make up my own furniture and my own games for them including “Carnival Accident” and “Will Barbie love Amputee Ken After Nam”?, “Moshing Barbie with Ken Sans Sex Organs”...oh and there was “Bad Skin Barbie”....
The quintessential Barbie bedroom was made up of a bed (a tissue box) where Barbie and Ken spent most of their time, especially after Nam, tearing up the sheets (thin pieces of tissue paper ) with their various proclivities (again, the paper thing. We had lots of tissue boxes. No, not from Field's. Mostly from hotels. I preferred the name brand as they seemed to survive more than one episodic romp) The furnishings also included a table whose base was made from the red flower painted Wooden Russian Nesting Dolls. You know them, you love them. The set of wooden dolls in decreasing size... you open up the first one and SURPRISE, you find a smaller Wooden Russian Doll and then, SURPRISE, a smaller Wooden Russian Doll and then SURPRISE, a smaller Wooden Russian Doll until eventually the smallest one became Barbie’s little Wooden Russian Baby. Oops SURPRISE!
The bedroom romp would almost always be followed by a trip to the carnival with Skipper in tow. Well, you know what happens at carnivals besides chartreuse stuffed animals and shooting games….Da Da Da Duhhhhhhhhh….Time for the Carnival Ride on my pink phonograph player. This seemingly innocent and enjoyable ride would turn into a complete nightmare of injuries, and fatalities as my little 9 year old hand become processed to turn the knob to high-speed. Toilet Paper dresses and limbs were found everywhere on my hot pink plush carpet which by the way was an exact match for my hot pink ceiling….a 1970's strawberry blow-pop nightmare for all in this day and age….
Unfortunately I had several “Barbies Gone Wrong.” Several Babies? Okay, ALL of my Barbies had
the misfortune of visiting a 9 yr. old unlicensed cosmetologist who just happened
to be me. Not only was I a Possessed
Carnival Ride Operator, “Carnie”, an Haute Couture Toilet Paper Clothing Designer, a
Creative International Interior Decorator, I also just happened to be a
Hairdresser, Make-up Artist and Esthetician.
Barbie’s beautiful luscious mane of thick blond, mid-torso length hair
would disappear at the hands of my creative genius until she had a uneven Florence
Henderson Shag to go along with the immaculately applied BIC PEN blue eye
shadow. Like some of my family members,
Barbie was prone to bad skin. She
obviously didn’t have the black Erno Lazlo Mud Soap, a Neiman Marcus exclusive, my mother used on her
perfect flawless skin. Yes, Barbie had
pin induced facial acne!
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Love Shelley
1 comment:
bic pen blue eye shadow was a favorite of mine as well...
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